The Hold Steady - Boys And Girls In America

If there was every a record that could be considered "rock and roll" that I actually was really in love with, this would be the one. Craig Finn's story-telling lyrical style makes for songs about being young, stupid, in love and of course drunk. Usually the kinds of solos that THS employ on tracks like "Same Kooks" would bother me, but its hard to avoid that this is just a flat out good record. Check out "Stuck Between Stations," "You Can Make Him Like You," and "Citrus."


The Hold Steady - Boys And Girls In America

Ear to Ear

I like being alive right now.
I really do.

-Ryan

Old Things

I used to be a photographer. Then it went away. I don't know what happened. I used to hate myself for abandoning it, but I'm starting to accept the inevitability of constant motion. Who knows, maybe one day I'll find it again. But that's not today. Today I'm going out with a boy. An actor to be more exact. I can't get away from them I guess. He's seems like a sweetheart. I'm kinda freaking out. I haven't done this in a while and I'm almost positive I'll do something retarded. Whatever. Fuck it all.

I'm currently watching videos of Mark Day singing on Canadian Idol on mute while listening to my own music. I have absolutely no desire to hear the shitty music, I just wanna look at him lol. It could be a bad thing that I have trouble thinking of things to write about in here when I'm not stoned. Fuck it all.

I took this picture a long time ago. I'm not the same person anymore.

Explosions In The Sky - The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place

The first post rock record I ever heard and absolutely one of my all time favorites of any genre. Beautiful and powerful on so many levels, this is definitely a great introduction to post rock music in general. When I saw them in April they closed with "Memorial," and words can't even really even convey how intense it was.

Explosions In The Sky - The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place

Ugh

Love me James Corden, love me.

Chaser

When I was 14 years old, I realized I was gay and came out to (almost) everyone in my life. I was going out with a girl at the time and broke up with her by telling her. We stayed friends for a long time after and ironically she turned out to be a lesbian. The strange part about it was that I found out because I developed a crush on a boy... a chubby boy to be specific. This initially didn't seem like such a big deal, until I started telling people. I got some pretty strange looks, and I guess rightly so. Who would want to imagine me making out with a guy, let alone a heavy guy? A lot of my friends poked fun at me for it, not in any really mean way but enough to make me really shy about it for a long time. It's awkward enough explaining to people that I like guys, but chubby guys on top of that? This kinda led me to believe that I was "not normal" or something and that who I was attracted to wasn't who I SHOULD be attracted to. So I tried to force myself to think that the stereotypical male model look was attractive. Needless to say this was futile. In the last couple years I have realized how I was hiding in the same way as every gay man who hides who he really is. I was ashamed of myself for something that I should not be. Who I like is about me, not about anyone else. So... to clarify:

This:




Not this:




In other news, the new Bomb the Music Industry! record fucking blows me away. Although the ska songs get a little annoying and boring (I'm just not into the genre anymore,) tracks like "Fresh Attitude, Young Body" and "25" are really fucking amazing. I'm just digging the high energy piano rocker thing right now. I've also been listening to a LOT of Wu Tang Clan/ODB/Method Man. I've been looking really hard for the kind of hip hop that really appeals to me and I've found it in the raw east coast style that permeates Wu Tang's "Enter the Wu Tang" and Method Man's "Tical." Just a straight up beat and sick rhymes. That's what hip hop should be about in my opinion... although my opinion doesn't really count for much I guess.

I'll update again later... gotta grub out. Live your life.

You Have No Constant

-and when I open my eyes I'm looking at a wooden stage from blue seats in an auditorium. There's a warm glow to my left and right and I'm listening to Rancid on my IPOD because I'm 17 years old and not yet scared enough. And two men whose faces I can't seem to recall who are both named Jim scream at each other while their faces swell up in tones of puce and brick red. The warmth on either side of me is comforting, but I can tell its not really there. The warmness is in the space between my ears, and I can't explain why but I know things won't be okay. In the-

-down to see bile leaking from my insides while I scribble everything I never thought of the correct way to phrase. This is fear. This is the incorrect placement of the spacial/linear aspect of my body. And I wish on stars I can't see underneath light pollution. But I can't pretend I care about any of this. I'm so unstable and afraid of what-

-let you choose the movie. You've been working hard all day and I'm sure you can't be too excited to still be here but who knows, maybe it's worth it. And at that one part we somehow knew the cue to lace fingers and the hour later when I asked if I could kiss you in front of my dad's car when we got back to your house after the ride home when he told us why the Greeks called it-

-never slept because we were so young and inspired and full of beauty. On the ride home I could see hints of what would come, of the vast emptiness that I wish so hard I could help you escape from. This was before we were too scared to even be in the same room with eachother. This is before we had to try to believe things that used to just make sense. This is the first-

-said that I dug my own grave in this situation.



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